We’ve all been there. Unfortunately, there will be multiple times during your military career when you feel like you’re just done with the Army. How do we know if it is a fleeting thought or a sign that we should wrap up that chapter of our lives of being a Soldier? Here’s a list of things to consider when the going gets tough…
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Make a list of pros and cons for continuing your service
This one sounds like a no brainer, but it really helps put things in perspective. Another tip is to keep that list and add to it for when you’re not in your feelings. Sometimes we can be blinded by white, hot rage that there appears to be nothing you could possibly add to the “pro” side of the list.
When you come out of the funk (even if it’s just temporary), take into consideration which side leans heavy. Sometimes having more in either category shouldn’t be the determining factor because some things carry more weight according to your values.
At this point it is important to identify what your values are because it can help you make the right decision for yourself and your family. If your decision affects more than just yourself (and I’m assuming it will if you’re part of the Army Mama community), then it’s worth sharing your list and discussing shared values with other members of your family (e.g. spouse, partner, etc.).
If you feel it in your heart that staying with/leaving the military is the right decision for yourself and your family then you should consider your next steps whether that’s an exit plan or career goal mapping.
How should I prepare to get out of the Army?
You’ve looked at your pros and cons list and decided that the Army isn’t fulfilling its original purpose or your service is causing more harm than help–what next?!
How quickly you can execute an exit plan will depend on how much time you have left on your contract, but here are some general considerations to take into account when developing an exit plan.
Think about what type of career you’d like to pursue
Does your current MOS translate to any field on the civilian side? For example, 42As acquire human resources experience while in the military and those skills can transfer to positions on the civilian side.
Depending on how long you have left on your contract, you can explore higher education for longer contracts or certification programs through Army COOL (Credentialing Opportunities On-Line). Army COOL can help you bridge the gap between the skills you’ve acquired in the military to actual certifications that employers like to see on resumes.
Soldier for Life Transition Assistance Program (SFL-TAP) can be a valuable resource for helping you market yourself using your resume and key you in on any benefits that may be afforded to you as a veteran of the Armed Forces.
Square away your LinkedIn and start networking. You can update your status on LinkedIn to show that you are interested in job offers, which will help funnel recruiters to your page when conducting their searches.
Get your finances in order
One of the top fears that Army Mamas have before exiting the military is financial stability. Unfortunately, financial literacy is a lesson most of us learn the hard way.
If you happen to be like most Americans, you might have a bit of unwanted and/or unnecessary debt racked up with payments competing with you bare necessities bills. Hello student loans, car loans, and credit card with an insanely high APR.
Service Members Civil Relief Act (SCRA)
This is a good option to look into if you incurred any debts prior to joining the military. If you fit the requirements on this, then you can have your interest rates reduced to 6% per year.
To receive this benefit, you must notify your lender in writing and provide a copy of your orders to active duty OR a letter from your commanding officer that shows the date you began active duty service.
Step 1: Create a list of all bills: this will include debt, utilities, mortgage/rent, cell bills, subscriptions, internet and other reoccurring bills.
It’s important to distinguish what your basic living expenses are versus luxury expenses.
Step 2: Create a list of all debt totals with their interest rates.
This will come in handy when deciding whether to do the snowball method or avalanche method when paying off your debt.
Step 3: Categorize your actual spending from the last 3 months using your bank statements.
For example: Groceries, Dining out, Gas, Shopping, Bills, etc. This will give you a good idea of where all you money is going. **Warning: This step is not pretty and it’s very humbling!**
If you’re not good with numbers or you have a hard time remembering what you spent that $300 on at Walmart, you can use the app Rocket Money and it’ll help you categorize your spending. Great things about Rocket Money is that it can also help you cancel any subscriptions you might have, lower your bills, and help develop a budget.
Step 4: Create a budget that factors in savings and debt payoff.
You should have a pretty good idea of your spending habits after you’ve sifted through your bank statements and identified how much debt you may have to attack (if you don’t have any debt then give us a curtsy!).
Can you cut any of your expenses?
- Subscriptions
- Switching mobile carriers or finding a cheaper plan
- Negotiating interest rates on any debt
- Less Doordash/Uber Eats and more meal prepping
Create a savings plan
- Open up a high yield saving account (I use Capital One and receive an interest rate of 4.15% at the time of writing this article)
- Start an emergency fund with a goal of $1,000 to start
- Once you’ve hit that $1,000 mark, work towards 3-6 months worth of living expenses saved
Snowball or Avalanche Method for Debt Payoff?
- The snow ball method is when you pay off the smallest debt first and then once that debt is paid off, you would roll that original payment towards the next smallest debt and then continue until all debt is paid off as quickly as possible.
This method is good for those who need to see progress in order to maintain motivation. *raises hand*
- The avalanche method is putting as much money towards the debt with the highest interest rate possible to pay that debt off the quickest before moving onto the next highest interest rate debt until all debt is exhausted.
This method is ideal in order to avoid the high interest rate charges that usually accompany credit card debt or really any type of loan in 2023.
If you’re really struggling to make ends meet as it is, I highly suggest you tap into financial help resources to see what your options are. Military One Source is a great starting point and their financial counselors can help guide you in the right direction. And I’m saying that from my own experience using their financial help resources.
Listen to Finance Podcasts, Books, etc. to keep the motivation going
I can listen to the same type of material over and over again, but it’s not because I’m trying to learn something new–oftentimes it’s because I’m trying to keep my momentum going for reaching my financial goals. I already know how to budget, but I still listen to books and podcasts that talk about the 50/30/20 rule because it keeps me in check.
Some of my favorite podcasts to listen to include:
Great starting points for financial literacy:
Relatable YouTube content:
Do you qualify for VA disability?
The chronic stress from mental gymnastics alone trying to coordinate a failproof Family Care Plan alone is enough to get any of us Army Mamas diagnosed with anxiety. But in all seriousness, start documenting any ailments you may have (if you have already been doing this).
Also, I was half joking about the anxiety part… real talk, you need to start seeing behavioral health if you haven’t made an appointment already. There are so many different stressors that women in the military have to deal with on a daily basis that it starts to wreak havoc on our bodies.
Chronic stress can lead to debilitating health issues like autoimmune conditions, reduced ability to recover from physical events, and so much more.
Start looking into the process for filing a VA disability claim. It’ll give you a good idea of what medical documents you may need to provide when it comes to filing your claim with Veterans Affairs.
It is recommended to get the process going 90-180 days prior to separation. That will also give you enough time to take advantage of the resources you have while still in the military. It becomes a little more challenging to get documents and ask questions when your networking source becomes far removed if you decide to move back to your home of record.
Decide where you’ll be living post-military
The level of support you have and the cost of living can play a big part on deciding where to live. I’m originally from California, but I have built my life in New Mexico and couldn’t imagine moving back to Cali because the cost of living and support system I have built here outweigh going back to my old stomping grounds.
If the Army Life is still your calling
Some of us don’t like to make snap judgements after a bad day, week, month, or year. (Ahem, is this what Stockholm syndrome feels like?) Or maybe you have a goal to reach retirement. Whatever your reason is for continuing to serve, here’s a little inspo to keep you motivated through those tough times that has helped other Army Mamas.
Remember why you joined
Some of us have really inspiring reasons for why we decided to raise our right hands for this country. Write down your reason and post it in a conspicuous place (e.g. bathroom mirror) so that you can be reminded on a daily basis why you continue to wear the uniform. These statements can work as daily affirmations.
Think of those who depend on you
Chances are you have at least one child if you’re reading this. Most of the time, that is enough motivation to get up in the early morning and embrace the suck.
There are many benefits that you and your family are eligible for depending on your years of service:
- VA Home Loan
- GI/Post 9/11 Educational Benefits
- Credentialing Assistance
- Tricare/United Concordia Health Benefits
- 30 days of annual leave
- Guaranteed pension upon retirement
- 401k (TSP) matching for those in the blended retirement savings program
- 401k (TSP) on top of pension upon retirement
Seek opportunities to improve yourself
This one can be difficult to do if you’re already feeling burnt out, but it can be accomplished even in the smallest ways. However, this is something that I have been focusing on for the New Year. I don’t advise choosing goals just to prove your worth to others. Going to a specific PME because it looks good on your record brief is not living for yourself, but choosing a course that actually interests you and how you’d like to show up for the Army will leave you feeling more fulfilled.
Set goals for your career
This can look like what I mentioned above in choosing professional military education that aligns with your interests. One thing I recommend is trying to capitalize on courses that can translate to the civilian sector.
Interested in project management? Sign up for a course and get certified. It’ll not only help with leading a team of Soldiers in the Army, but it can help you find a career when you decide it’s time to transition to the civilian life.
Looking to make yourself an asset with technology in your section? Sign up for one of many power bi courses hosted by the Army. I’m telling you that one of the major benefits of joining the Army is what seems like a limitless amount of opportunities to attain degrees, credentials, and certifications in almost anything!
If you feel like you don’t have enough time to take on extra classes but want a way to boost your technical knowledge then set a small goal like reading a chapter of a regulation that pertains to your line of work at least once a day.
Set goals for your health
Does being in the Army feel like it’s become your whole identity? Setting some attainable goals for your overall health can help recenter the focus on your life and help you get back in touch with feeling good about yourself.
I’m not saying you need to overhaul your health, but small changes like adding at least one veggie to each meal, taking a 10 minute walk after lunch, and training for a new PR in the gym can help you feel like you’re actually taking care of yourself in the most foundational way.
If you sit all day at your desk, then I highly recommend setting a timer to get up and go for a short walk a few times during the work day. I started doing this and at first people were wondering what I was doing when I’d do laps next to our building. Then after a while they began making comments that they needed to get up and walk around like I did. Not only did the walks help me decompress, but getting sun and fresh air really added to that positive impact on my mental health.
Set goals for your personal wellbeing
Do you have any hobbies besides scrolling on Tik Tok, Instagram, and other social media websites? Although it can feel like you’re enjoying your “free time” doomscrolling, it really is a time and life suck doing that at the end of the day. I promise that you will feel so much better about your work life balance if you set some fun goals for your personal wellbeing.
A goal I made for myself this year was to read at least 20 minutes a day/1 book a month. Pick a genre and author that you like and get started!
Another possible goal is starting a low maintenance hobby. I literally searched our local events center and they host a variety of classes. My daughter and I recently took a beginner crochet class. Not only was it a bonding experience for us; we also got to learn something new and it didn’t eat into the rest of the week’s schedule.
I know this last one is going to be hard for a lot of us Army Mamas, but join a community mom group that actually goes out and does things together. I totally understand that it can get messy to mix work and friendships, which is why I highly suggest finding friends outside the military. Even joining community groups like a pickleball league or a “Mom’s Night Out” where y’all meet monthly can have a positive impact on your personal wellbeing.
And if all else fails..
Open up MyPay and take a look at your LES
Money can be the biggest motivator to keep on trucking! Haha. A lot of Army Mamas cited this as one of their biggest motivations to suit up each day right after taking a long hard look at their dependents.
Have you ever come to a crossroad with you military career? If so, is there anything you would add to the list above?
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